Sunday, February 7, 2010

how I'm really doing

Sometimes just being honest with yourself about how your feeling is so liberating! I was reading Mike's blog http://csusandman.blogspot.com/ and was so impressed with his honesty. So here goes mine.
I have been having a really hard time being a mother lately. I think part of it is lack of sleep and part of it is just trying to figure out how to handle 2 young kids. Today when I woke up at 6 to Tank crying (after getting up with him 3 times in the middle of the night) I changed him and tried to see if he would get back to sleep. That was not going to happen. So I walked back into our room and woke Mike up and told him I just couldn't do it this morning. I started to cry and handed Tank to him. Then I proceeded to really cry hard. What kind of mother am I? I can't even take care of my little boy. I just cried harder and got back in bed. A few extra hours of sleep helped a lot but the feelings of being a bad mother and just wanting to run away for a few days are still there. I just want a day or 2 where I don't have to be a mother. A night or 2 (or 10) where I can sleep uninterrupted. A chance to reconnect with my love. There I said it, I do feel a little better.

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